MY FOURTH BLOG ENTRY
nigerianprince
GOOD AFTERNOON, MY FRIENDS.

WHILE MOST OF THE TIME I CAN LIVE MY LIFE AS ANY ONE OF YOU, THERE ARE SOME COMMON TASKS THAT COME VERY DIFFICULT FOR A NIGERIAN PRINCE.

ONE OF THESE IS SENDING E-MAIL. TODAY I TRIED TO SEND A MASS E-MAIL TO MULTIPLE UNDISCLOSED ADDRESSES. THE MESSAGE WAS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS, LIKE EVERYTHING I WRITE, AND CONTAINED A SIMPLE SUGGESTION FOR PEOPLE TO SEND ME MONEY. THAT IS TO SAY, A PERFECTLY ORDINARY E-MAIL THAT YOU PROBABLY WRITE DOZENS A DAY.

FOR SOME REASON EVEN THIS PERFECTLY INNOCENT E-MAIL GOT STUCK IN SPAM FILTERS IN THE RECEIVING END. FURTHERMORE, WHEN ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO DID GET THE E-MAIL, REPLIED TO ME, AND I REPLIED THEM BACK, THE SPAM FILTER AT GMAIL -- MY E-MAIL PROVIDER -- CAUGHT MY OUTGOING MESSAGE, AND STOPPED IT.

YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE RAMPANT RACISM/ANTI-MONARCHIST TENDENCIES EMBEDDED IN THE SYSTEM. IF ANYONE WANTS TO HELP ME, I URGE YOU TO SEND THESE MESSAGES ON MY BEHALF, AND ASK FOR PEOPLE TO SEND ME MONEY.

THANK YOU.

WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE
NIGERIAN PRINCE

MY THIRD JOURNAL ENTRY
nigerianprince
HELLO AGAIN MY FRIENDS!

RECENTLY MANY PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME, "BILL, YOU'RE A NIGERIAN PRINCE, RIGHT! WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A PRINCE? DO YOU GET TREATED ALL ROYALLY AND SHIT?"

I TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MY LIFE AS A NIGERIAN PRINCE LIVING IN NEW YORK.

SOME PRECONCEPTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE ABOUT THE LIFE OF A PRINCE MIGHT BE THESE:
1) A PRINCE IS RICH.
2) A PRINCE LIVES IN A CASTLE OR A PALACE, OR AT LEAST A PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME CITY HOUSE WHEN VISITING THE RUBBLE
3) A PRINCE IS MARRIED TO A PRINCESS, BUT STILL BANGS LOTS OF COURTIER CHICKS WHO ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL NOBLEWOMEN AND HAVE SEXY MOLDS

TO ADRESS POINT ONE, I AM NOT RICH. IN FACT, I AM REDUCED TO WORKING FOR A LIVING. I WENT TO COLLEGE, BUT FOUND IT WASN'T REALLY FOR ME, SO NOW I HAVE A JOB AT RADIOSHACK. I CAME IN LATE THE OTHER DAY, AND MY BOSS SAID TO ME, "WHAT THE HELL, BILL?! LATE AGAIN! DON'T YOU KNOW PUNCTUALITY IS THE POLITENESS OF PRINCES?" I TOLD HER NO, I DID NOT KNOW THAT, AND THAT AS A PRINCE SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE MAKING THE SCHEDULES, ANYWAY. SHE JUST SAID THAT THIS IS A DEMOCRACY AND TOLD ME TO GET MY ASS TO THE REGISTER. SO I TOLD HER THAT POLITENESS IS THE POLITENESS OF COMMONERS. (THAT WAS PUSHING IT.)

SO NOT ONLY AM I POOR, BUT THESE ANTI-MONARCHISTS ACTUALLY GIVE ME A HARD TIME ABOUT BEING A PRINCE.

AS TO THE SECOND POINT, I LIVE IN A SMALL SHITHOLE.

REGARDING POINT NUMBER THREE, I AM NOT CURRENTLY MARRIED TO A PRINCESS, AND HAVE TO MY KNOWLEDGE NEVER FUCKED A NOBLEWOMAN OF ANY KIND. IF I HAVE, THEY MUST'VE BEEN SOME IMMIGRANT CHICKS WHOSE GRANDPARENTS WERE TECHNICALLY NOBILITY A COUPLE OF REVOLUTIONS AGO.

OFTEN AT BARS AND CLUBS I TRY TO PICK UP WOMEN TELLING THEM I'M A PRINCE. THAT WORKS SURPRISINGLY WELL, WHETHER THEY BELIEVE ME OR NOT. EITHER THEY THINK I'M A PRINCE OR THEY THINK I'M SOME COOL, FUNNY GUY WHO GOES AROUND PRETENDING TO BE ONE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT WORKS SO WELL, THAT MANY OF MY FRIENDS ARE ALSO GOING AROUND TELLING GIRLS THEY'RE PRINCES OR COUNTS OR WHATNOT, WHICH IS REALLY INFLATING MY VALUE.

HOWEVER, I DO HAVE A THING FOR SEXY MOLDS, SO I GUESS THAT'S GENETICS FOR YOU.

TO SUMMARIZE THIS GLIMPSE INTO MY LIFE INTO A NICE LITTLE SENTENSE: NO, I IN NO WAY GET TREATED ALL ROYALLY AND SHIT.


WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE
NIGERIAN PRINCE

MY SECOND JOURNAL ENTRY
nigerianprince
HELLO MY FRIENDS.

I WRITE THIS BLOG NOW WITH A HEAVY HEART, BUT FEEL I CAN CONFESS IN YOU, SINCE YOU HAVE A REPUTATION OF BEING TRUSTWORTHY AND RELIABLE, GOOD PEOPLE IN THE EYES OF GOD.

THE SAD, SORDID STORY OF MY LIFE I HAVE TOLD YOU IN GOOD FAITH, AND ONLY NOW DISCOVER IT USED AS A BASIS OF AN AMERICAN WEB COMIC.

IN THE OTHERWISE EXCELLENT COMIC "LEAST I COULD DO", THE MAIN CHARACTER, WOMANIZING GEEK RAYNE SUMMERS RECEIVES AN E-MAIL FROM A NIGERIAN PRINCESS, AND TRAVELS TO NIGERIA TO MEET HER. THE STORYLINE IS STILL GOING ON, SO WE DON'T KNOW HOW IT WILL END, BUT IT SEEMS RATHER CLEAR THEY STOLE MY LIFE STORY FOR THIS, AND ONLY CHANGED MINOR DETAILS. (PRINCE FOR PRINCESS, LIVING IN UPPER MANHATTAN FOR LIVING NIGERIA, WOMANIZING PRINCE TO WOMANIZING GEEK, ETC.)



AS YOU CAN TELL, IT IS WITHIN MY RIGHTS TO HAVE THE COMIC "LEAST I COULD DO" CLOSED DOWN, AND MAKE ITS CREATOR RYAN SOHMER PAY ME THIRTEEN MILLION U.S. DOLLARS. HOWEVER, TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN, A SLIGHT ASSISTANCE ON YOUR PART IS NEEDED FOR LEGAL EXPENSES. I HAVE CALCULATED THAT FIVE THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS NOW WOULD BE ENOUGH TO TAKE MR. SOHMER INTO COURT, AND HAVE HIM PAY THROUGH THE ASS. IF YOU AGREE TO HELP ME IN THIS SMALL WAY, I WOULD BY WAY OF THANK YOU, GIVE YOU TEN PERCENT OF THE THIRTEEN MILLION U.S. DOLLARS (MEANING $1,300,000 BIG BOYS COMING YOUR WAY). IF YOU ARE WILLING TO HELP, PLEASE CONTACT ME AT BILL.OGEDENGBE@GMAIL.COM.

FURTHERMORE, THE INSULTING PORTRAYAL OF ALL NIGERIANS AS MONEY-HUNGRY CON ARTISTS IS ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS NIGERIAN AMERICAN SAY "I DEMAND FURTHER $10,000 FOR PAIN AND SUFFERING!"

I THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND YOUR GRACIOUS HELP.

WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE
NIGERIAN PRINCE

MY FIRST BLOG ENTRY
nigerianprince
HELLO. MY NAME IS WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE. I AM THE SON OF KING ODAYON JULIUS OGEDENGBE OF THE EDO (BENIN) PEOPLE IN NIGERIA. WHEN HE STUDIED BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, HE FELL IN LOVE WITH AND MARRIED MY MOTHER, AND THAT'S HOW I WAS BORN. WHEN HE GRADUATED FROM COLUMBIA, MY FATHER LEFT NEW YORK TO HELP HIS PEOPLE BACK IN AFRICA. HE WAS ONLY PRINCE THEN, BUT WAS THEN CROWNED KING. HOWEVER, HE ABANDONED HIS WIFE AND CHILD HERE IN NEW YORK, AND I GREW UP AMERICAN NEVER GETTING TO KNOW MY FATHER.

UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE NOT BEEN IMPRISONED IN GUANTANAMO BAY, AND I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO MY FATHER'S MONEY, NOR THE BANK ACCOUNT OF THE CURRENT NIGERIAN HEAD OF STATE UMARU YAR'ADUA. HOWEVER, I AM TECHNICALLY A NIGERIAN PRINCE, AND CAN WRITE IN ALL CAPS. THEREFORE, IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO SEND ME ANY MONEY YOU HAVE WITH PAYPAL OR IN CASH VIA POST, I WOULD BESTOW SOME STRANGE AFRICAN VOODOO BLESSINGS ON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR ALL TIME.

IF NECESSARY, I WILL GLADLY HAVE YOU TRAVEL TO UPPER MANHATTAN TO MEET ME, ROB YOU BLIND, AND THEN HOLD YOU FOR HOSTAGE SO YOUR BIGSHOT WESTERN FRIENDS CAN PAY EVEN MORE MONEY BECAUSE OF YOUR FOOLISHNESS. BUT THAT IS NOT NECESSARY, YOU CAN SIMPLY SEND ME THE MONEY NOW, AND SAVE ME LOTS OF TROUBLE. BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE THE TIME WHAT WITH MANAGING THIS BLOG AND ALL MY OTHER INTERESTS LIKE TV AND CHICKS AND PLAYSTATION.

I WISH YOU THE WARMEST HAPPINESS AND ALL THE BLESSINGS OF THE SUN,

WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE
NIGERIAN PRINCE

?

Log in

No account? Create an account