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MY SEVENTH JOURNAL ENTRY
nigerianprince
I WAS A LITTLE DEPRESSED AFTER HEARING ABOUT MY FATHER. I TRIED CONFIRMING THIS BY ACTUALLY CALLING NIGERIA, BUT NO LUCK.

SO, I WENT OUT CLUBBING WITH ONE GOAL: TO GET DRUNK AND TO GET LAID. I KNOW THAT TECHNICALLY THAT’S TWO GOALS, BUT I WANTED TO COMBINE THEM IN AS SOPHISTICATED WAY AS POSSIBLE: THAT IS, TO GET LAID WHILE DRUNK.

I GRABBED MY FRIEND RODNEY, AND OUT WE WENT. JAKE IS NOT A NIGERIAN PRINCE BUT SOMETIMES TELLS WHITE GIRLS HE IS, JUST TO GET LAID. WHY DOESN’T HE JUST TELL THEM HE’S A FAMOUS RAPPER OR STAND-UP COMEDIAN? THEY WOULDN’T KNOW!

I TOLD THE BARTENDER (WHOM I KNOW) THAT I WOULD GIVE HIM THREE THOUSAND BUCKS NEXT MONTH, WHEN I’M KING, IF HE’D GIVE ME FREE DRINKS ALL NIGHT.
”NO GO, BILL,” HE SAID, ”YOU TRY SHIT LIKE THAT EVERY TIME YOU COME HERE, AND I’VE NEVER FALLEN FOR IT. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’D FALL FOR IT NOW?”
I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE LETTER, BUT HE JUST SAID, ”YOU EVER HEARD OF THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF?”
I SAID, ”DID YOU JUST CALL ME BOY?”
”NICE TRY. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING, YOU’RE GONNA PAY FOR IT”, HE SAID.
SO I DID – ALTHOUGH A NIGERIAN PRINCE, FUTURE KING, SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING. I’M SURE YOU AGREE.

RODNEY AND I PROCEEDED TO GET DRUNK. I WAS DANCING WITH THIS FINE PIECE OF ASS, AND INTRODUCED MYSELF TO HER.
”YOUR FRIEND JUST HAD THE EXACT SAME OPENING LINE”, SHE TOLD ME, BRUSHING HER HAND THROUGH HER SHORT GINGER HAIR. ”WHY DON’T YOU TAKE ANOTHER SHOT AT A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION?”
”LOOK, THE THING IS, MY FATHER HAS JUST DIED, AND I’M ABOUT TO INHERIT A LOT OF MONEY, AND A GREAT POSITION IN HIS HOME COUNTRY. I’D LOVE TO BUY YOU A DRINK, BUT IT TAKES SOME TIME FOR ME GET TO THE CASH. BUT WHY DON’T YOU BUY A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE FOR BOTH OF US, AND I’LL PAY YOU DOUBLE LATER?”
”WOW, I LIKED THE PRINCE THING MUCH BETTER.”
”SEE, I HAVE THIS TWO-PART PLAN, AND PART ONE REQUIRES YOU AND ME GETTING DRUNK. AND I CAN’T PAY FOR THE DRINKS, SO YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO HELP ME?”
”WHAT’S PART TWO?” SHE SMILED.
”I’LL SHOW YOU LATER,” I SAID AND WINKED. SHE GOT US TWO BEERS.

”PUT A RUBBER ON,” SHE SAID LATER, JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO REACH PART TWO. WE WERE AT HER PLACE.
”I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’LL DO,” I SAID. ”IF YOU GET PREGNANT, OUR BABY WILL BE A PRINCE OR PRINCESS AND INHERIT A LOT OF MONEY. SO DON’T WORRY.”
”I’M ON THE PILL, YOU IDIOT, AND I DON’T WANT TO INHERIT ANY STD’S. JUST DO IT OR GET THE FUCK OUT!”

WHILE I MANAGED TO FULFILL MY COMPLICATED AND MOST SOPHISTICATED PLAN, I START GETTING THE FEELING THAT MY SHTICK IS GETTING A BIT OLD. PEOPLE USED TO FALL FOR IT ALL THE TIME. I THINK.

MAYBE THEY DIDN’T.

WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE
NIGERIAN PRINCE

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Chauvinistic?

(Anonymous)
This was a fun read, but I get the feeling you don't really respect women.

-Cathrine

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