MY FOURTEENTH JOURNAL ENTRY
nigerianprince
GOOD EVENING MY FRIEND!

I THINK MY JOB AT RADIOSHACK IS IN PERIL.

I HAVE MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY THAT MY BOSS PEPITA IS AN AVID ANTI-MONARCHIST, AND THEREFORE DOESN’T TAKE KINDLY TO PRINCES. I CAN THINK OF NO OTHER REASON FOR HER TO HATE ME SO. THERE SHOULD BE SOME SORT OF MONARCHY AND NOBILITY ANTI-DEFAMATION LEAGUE.

SHE TOLD ME I GOT ONE MORE CHANCE, IF I WANT TO KEEP MY JOB. I TOLD HER I’D DONE NOTHING WRONG, SO WHY IS SHE COMPLAINING. SHE DISAGREED. YOU BE THE JUDGE, HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED:
 

A CUSTOMER CAME INTO THE STORE. A MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY IN A LACOSTE SHIRT. 

”HI,” SAID HE.
”HELLO. MY NAME IS WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE.”
”I’M LOOKING FOR AN RCA ADAPTER THAT I COULD USE TO --”
”I AM THE SON OF KING ODAYON JULIUS OGEDENGBE OF THE EDO (BENIN) PEOPLE IN NIGERIA. I HAVE A GREAT PROPOSITION FOR YOU.”
”UH.”
”PLEASE LISTEN FOR A MOMENT. MY FATHER THE KING DIED RECENTLY, AND LEFT ME EIGHTY-FIVE AND A HALF MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS. BUT TO ACCESS THAT MONEY, I NEED TO PAY FOR HIS ROYAL FUNERAL, AND NEED TO RAISE A HUNDRED THOUSAND IN CASH.”
”LISTEN...”
”IF YOU LOAN ME A THOUSAND DOLLARS NOW, I WILL PAY YOU TEN THOUSAND WHEN I GET MY INHERITANCE.”
”LOOK, SON, I’M VERY SORRY ABOUT YOUR FATHER, BUT I JUST CAME HERE TO GET AN ADAPTER TO CONNECT MY IPOD TO MY SOUND SYSTEM.”
”IN THAT CASE IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY, MY GOOD MAN. YOU STAND TO EARN NINE THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS WITH NO RISK TO YOU OR YOUR FAMILY.”
”ARE YOU THREATENING MY FAMILY?”
”CERTAINLY NOT, MY GOOD MAN. I WAS JUST TRYING TO EXPLAIN THAT THIS VENTURE IS ENTIRELY RISK FREE. A SENIOR MEMBER OF THE EDO ROYAL FUNERAL COMMITTEE, MR. ADEBOYE OKIGBO, HAS GUARANTEED THERE IS NO RISK INVOLVED.”
”WILL YOU GET ME MY ADAPTER OR NOT?”
”PLEASE DO NOT SPEAK TO ME IN THAT TONE, MY GOOD MAN.”
”WHO TO FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”
”I AM THE SON OF KING ODAYON JULIUS OGEDENGBE OF THE EDO (BENIN) PEOPLE IN NIGERIA.” 

AND AT THAT POINT PEPITA PULLED ME ASIDE, AND SOLD THIS MAN HIS ADAPTER. CLEARLY SHE RECOGNIZED THAT THE MAN, LIKE HERSELF, WAS AN ANTI-MONARCHIST.

  

EAGERLY LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING YOUR FLOWERING THOUGHTS,

WILLIAM JULIUS OGEDENGBE
NIGERIAN PRINCE


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